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Joey I gotta spend some time with you –
At dinner last night my very successful friend and long time colleague said this to me…
And he was talking about me coaching him…
Or at least having a few “coaching” conversations that would help him get clearer about performing better and reducing all the time constraints in his life.
I think it was because we were talking about all the entrepreneurs in general who have their backs pressed against the wall deflecting and reacting to the day as it comes at them.
I guess it struck a nerve because we both got pretty animated when we talked about how much he has going on and how important freedom is…
And then I dropped it on him…
“So what's the challenge, what are you FIGHTING for?”
My wife looked at me with her “oh boy, here he goes” lovingly of course..
And my friend? he gave me am even stranger look – like “what the hell are you talking about?”
So I asked him again – “what are you FIGHTING to keep? In other words, what are you NOT willing to give up?”
Because I knew something he didn't know…
I knew he was fighting to stay AWAY from something MORE than he was fighting to GET more of something else. Does that make sense?
Like money … or freedom … or better time management. Like everyone else wants right?
But I wasn't ready to tell him, I wanted him to figure it out on his own…
Because he was doing what EVERYONE does when I'm coaching them:
They only tell me what they WANT.
They hardly ever tell me what they DON'T want- unless I ask them.
Unless I dig and dig and dig.
Think about it.
You're an entrepreneur right?
Why?
What do you WANT?
What are YOU fighting for?
Is it so you don't have to go to work for someone else over and over again?
Is it because you don't want other people making decisions that affect your life anymore?
Is it so you don't miss anymore of the special family moments because you're in a board room completely bored out of your skull?
You can see where I'm going with this…
But he didn't… yet…
So I told him again – “listen, I want what you want. I want more money and freedom too – in fact the entire world wants it.”
“But I know exactly what drives me to go get it.”
“I know what makes me produce every day resisting procrastination and fear of making decisions.”
“Is that I want to KEEP the freedom I already have.”
“It doesn't mean I have the freedom to go buy an island and just sit around all day, but I've created a sense of “freedom” right now that I'm happy with … even if I NEVER got any more freedom.
does that make sense to you ?
Even though I want MORE freedom, that doesn't drive me. It doesn't pull me forward.
So when I really thought about this, I realized this:
The threat of taking my lifestyle / freedom or whatever you want to call it AWAY from me over GIVING me more freedom that I don't know right now what it feels like is WAY more powerful.
I think MOST of us are driven by this type of pain. Or whatever your pain is.
We don't like to give up anything.
That's why a lot of people are paralyzed. It's why entrepreneurs go around in circles – it's not only because they're disorganized…
It's because they are NOT willing to give up something to get what they want.
But that's another tangent all together.
The point is, YOU have to figure out what you DON'T want in your life and what you're going to do about it.
As an example, I'll ask a coaching client “why do you want more money?”
And they'll say something like “because I don't want any more stress”
“Stress, what do you mean stress?”
“Well” they'll say, “I just want to pay off this debt”
Aha!
So it's not REALLY that you want more money…it's really that you DON'T WANT ANY MORE DEBT.
Can you see the difference?
It's huge
Do you feel theres a difference there because you're connecting with that pain rather than the more money thing.
When you know that pain and use that as a driving force, everything changes in your business.
you make decisions better and faster because you don't want to be caught up in the pain anymore.
You produce and eliminate all the crap that you're flailing around in right now
You just focus.
And more often than not, it means you remove stuff from your life so you can focus on eliminating the pain.
But so often entrepreneurs keep ADDING stuff to our lives thinking it's going to fix the problem – when in reality – it's just the opposite.
Eliminate EVERYTHING except the first thing. As Wyatt Woodsmall says “first things first and second things never”
And that scares the crap out of entrepreneurs. Because we want to do it all.
Until next time, I hope you figure out what your pain is so it drives you forward…talk to you later.
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Talk later!
Joey