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Joey I gotta spend some time with you –

At dinner last night my very successful friend and long time colleague said this to me…

And he was talking about me coaching him…

Or at least having a few “coaching” conversations that would help him get clearer about performing better and reducing all the time constraints in his life.

I think it was because we were talking about all the entrepreneurs in general who have their backs pressed against the wall deflecting and reacting to the day as it comes at them.

I guess it struck a nerve because we both got pretty animated when we talked about how much he has going on and how important freedom is…

And then I dropped it on him…

“So what’s the challenge, what are you FIGHTING for?”

My wife looked at me with her “oh boy, here he goes” lovingly of course..

And my friend? he gave me am even stranger look – like “what the hell are you talking about?”

So I asked him again – “what are you FIGHTING to keep? In other words, what are you NOT willing to give up?”

Because I knew something he didn’t know…

I knew he was fighting to stay AWAY from something MORE than he was fighting to GET more of something else. Does that make sense?

Like money … or freedom … or better time management. Like everyone else wants right?

But I wasn’t ready to tell him, I wanted him to figure it out on his own…

Because he was doing what EVERYONE does when I’m coaching them:

They only tell me what they WANT.

They hardly ever tell me what they DON’T want- unless I ask them.

Unless I dig and dig and dig.

Think about it.

You’re an entrepreneur right?

Why?

What do you WANT?

What are YOU fighting for?

Is it so you don’t have to go to work for someone else over and over again?

Is it because you don’t want other people making decisions that affect your life anymore?

Is it so you don’t miss anymore of the special family moments because you’re in a board room completely bored out of your skull?

You can see where I’m going with this…

But he didn’t… yet…

So I told him again – “listen, I want what you want. I want more money and freedom too – in fact the entire world wants it.”

“But I know exactly what drives me to go get it.”

“I know what makes me produce every day resisting procrastination and fear of making decisions.”

“Is that I want to KEEP the freedom I already have.”

“It doesn’t mean I have the freedom to go buy an island and just sit around all day, but I’ve created a sense of “freedom” right now that I’m happy with … even if I NEVER got any more freedom.

does that make sense to you ?

Even though I want MORE freedom, that doesn’t drive me. It doesn’t pull me forward.

So when I really thought about this, I realized this:

The threat of taking my lifestyle / freedom or whatever you want to call it AWAY from me over GIVING me more freedom that I don’t know right now what it feels like is WAY more powerful.

I think MOST of us are driven by this type of pain. Or whatever your pain is.

We don’t like to give up anything.

That’s why a lot of people are paralyzed. It’s why entrepreneurs go around in circles – it’s not only because they’re disorganized…

It’s because they are NOT willing to give up something to get what they want.

But that’s another tangent all together.

The point is, YOU have to figure out what you DON’T want in your life and what you’re going to do about it.

As an example, I’ll ask a coaching client “why do you want more money?”

And they’ll say something like “because I don’t want any more stress”

“Stress, what do you mean stress?”

“Well” they’ll say, “I just want to pay off this debt”

Aha!

So it’s not REALLY that you want more money…it’s really that you DON’T WANT ANY MORE DEBT.

Can you see the difference?

It’s huge

Do you feel theres a difference there because you’re connecting with that pain rather than the more money thing.

When you know that pain and use that as a driving force, everything changes in your business.

you make decisions better and faster because you don’t want to be caught up in the pain anymore.

You produce and eliminate all the crap that you’re flailing around in right now

You just focus.

And more often than not, it means you remove stuff from your life so you can focus on eliminating the pain.

But so often entrepreneurs keep ADDING stuff to our lives thinking it’s going to fix the problem – when in reality – it’s just the opposite.

Eliminate EVERYTHING except the first thing. As Wyatt Woodsmall says “first things first and second things never”

And that scares the crap out of entrepreneurs. Because we want to do it all.

Until next time, I hope you figure out what your pain is so it drives you forward…talk to you later.

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Like this? Please let me know below!

Talk later!

Joey

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Yesterday I was having a conversation with my ten year old daughter about fear.  Specifically, the fear of public speaking.

We all know that public speaking is the number one fear for almost   everyone – over and above the fear of dying….

But this is not only about the fear of public speaking…it’s about the fear of the unknown…the fear of failure…

I told her “fear is good” – because I believe it is.

Fear means you’re alive.  It means you’re alert.

I’ll come back to that in a minute – because I want to bring up another point for you to ponder as I go on:

What you need to fear, is when you DON’T HAVE FEAR.

Huh?  “Daddy I”m confused” she said.

Fear – however we perceive it, makes us alert.

It makes us perform better if we’re on stage because we don’t want people to hate us or think we’re stupid.

Fear makes us look at the details of a real estate deal a little bit closer because we don’t want to lose money.

Fear helps us choose better and build a business that supports our lives because we don’t want to fail!

In other words, if you DON’T HAVE FEAR, you’re screwed.

That’s because you’ll make decisions and choices without any care of the outcome.

You’re fearless.

Now some may argue that being fearless is the way to go.

And I’m not disagreeing because I’ve lived my entire life like this.  I’ve built businesses by just DOING IT.

By Going with my gut!

But was I fearless?

I would argue that I was just IGNORING my fear.  I was (and still am) in CONTROL of my fear.

That took me a long time to figure out.

And I think that’s what being “fearless” means.

It means you want something MORE than the fear you have of doing it.

Being in control of that fear creates the commitment you need to succeed.  In both life and business.

That’s why most people don’t get ahead.  They let their fear control them.

When fear rears it’s questions to me and I still go for it, it means I’m ready – I’m ready to learn and experience what I get from whatever it is I’m doing.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re jumping out of an airplane – or starting a business – or getting up to speak or perform to ten thousand or ten people.  (by the way, if you have a venue of ten thousand I can speak to, hit me up – I want to step into that fear)

So are you with me?  Do you understand what I’m telling you?

Your fear is the gasoline to your success.

Don’t take your foot OFF the pedal – just ease up a little to negotiate that hairpin turn coming up and keep going.

(I dunno why that racing analogy came to me – but whatever, you get it.)

So the next time you get a sick feeling in your stomach to step out on stage or scared to pull the trigger on your real estate deal after all the numbers make sense, think of that as your test.

Are you REALLY ready and committed to what you say you are?

What you do next is your answer.

It’s not rocket science here. You’re actions speak louder than anything you say.

Honor your fear – be OK with what it’s telling you to focus on.

But don’t let it control you.

Because when you let fear replace forward momentum, you’re in trouble.

And you’ll probably be going around in circles for years to come.

Like this? Please let me know below!

Talk later!

Joey

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People say to me all the time “Joey, all I want is more time, more money and more freedom”

Is THAT all?

How MUCH money?

How MUCH Time?

How MUCH freedom?

Have you faced this?  Have you ever spoken with someone who gives you such a broad answer it can fit anyone?

It’s like going to a psychic and they tell you “you’re going to a major event this year”

What does that mean?

A wedding, a 50th birthday party a funeral?  Anyone of them can “fit” that description.

So if we bounce back to “more money” what if you had $10 more than yesterday in your wallet?  Would satisfy the statement?

I’m kidding of course, but you get my drift…you know where I’m going with this.

So I ask them ” you want more time, money and freedom so that what happens?”

We ALL want more (or less) of something so something else happens in our lives.

Inside private coaching masterminds, I’m able to dig this stuff outta people…because I won’t let them paint their future with broad strokes.

You need specificity.  If you don’t know exactly what you’re going after, you’ll never put the right pieces in place to help you get there.

That’s a huge challenge for entrepreneurs…because most of us are creators…we have BIG dreams and we want to DO IT ALL.

Great, I’m with ya…let’s change the world…but let’s do it one dream at a time – or nothing gets done.

So what do you want?  What do you REALLY REALLY want?

Better yet, what DON’T you want?  Define what you want to remove from your life and you’ll find it’s easier to define what you WANT in your life.

So…what do you want?

You can’t get the help you need if you don’t know what you’re asking for right?

But a lot of people want to be told what to do.  At least in my experience with my clients, students and speaking tours this is the norm.

Why is that?

I think people are often clouded in their lives & have trouble clearing the fog because they’re in survival mode all the time.

It’s pretty hard to sit down and figure out a pathway when you’re in constant chaos don’t cha think?

So really the freedom we want moves further and further away because we don’t have the “time” today to figure out what we truly want…

Sad right?

So here’s my tip for you…and it’s something I tell 99% of all the people I work with.

Ready?

You have to shut-down.

Completely.

I don’t care about the length, but the longer the better.

Shut down means you do nothing.  You stare at the ceiling.  You go for a walk in the woods – appreciate nature – let nature and the universe open your mind.

Investigate your soul – ask yourself “what do I want?” in those moments…and if you remove the busyness of life, push the eject button on chaos …even for a day, what you really want begins to come through.

Because there’s no distractions – you don’t have emails and cell phones stealing your attention.

I’ve heard clients tell me their lives have literally changed in the days of removing all the clutter and chaos in their lives so they can be ‘alone’ with themselves.

But don’t think I don’t know how ‘hard’ this is.

That’s the exact reason you need to do it.

If ALL you want is more time, more money and more freedom…then shut down for a bit and be conscious of what more time, money and freedom means

And then go get the help you need to get it.

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Like this? Please let me know below!

Talk later!

Joey